Do You Wish You Could Enjoy Sex More?

Are you feeling blah about sex? It’s not that you hate it, it’s only that if it wasn’t something
expected of you by your significant other or necessary to make babies, you’d probably pass?

Perhaps you find this a little bit strange. With all the sexual messages in music, movies, television and the internet, you would think you would be more interested. Don’t worry, you are not alone.

According to a recent scientific study performed by a Dr. Laumann of the University of Chicago, 33.4% of American women between the age of 18 to 59 suffer from a low sex drive! Thats 1 out of 3 adult women. According to a study presented in the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior by husband and wife team, Sam Janus, Ph.D and Cynthia Janus, M.D; 56 percent of women surveyed felt they were not interested in sex as much as they could be. Of these women, 1 out of 4 told researchers their sexual desire was 100% below what they wished it was.

In the Janus Report, not only are these women experiencing low sex drives, they are not enjoying sex. They are not experiencing orgasms and though they may feel some level of intimacy towards their partner, they are still finding themselves more indifferent, frustrated or even angry about sex. For some, this dissatisfaction has contributed to many break ups, as they keep looking for the right guy who will make them feel something they’ve been missing.

Psychologists attribute this distaste with sex to a combination of emotional and physical reasons. When it comes to sex, the physical and the emotional are intertwined. For example, you may have problems reaching orgasm because subconsciously you feel guilty because you were taught sex is dirty. This is an emotional cause with a physical result. Not having orgasms make you feel frustrated or cheated. Thus you attach more negative emotions to sex and are less likely to have orgasms in the future. So, you are locked in a cycle of sexual negativity.

As a result of not desiring sex, many women experience shame. You get the message from pop culture that everybody is out there wanting and enjoying sex. Feeling ashamed and humiliated, you start to think something is wrong with you.

How Did You Get In This Situation
There are many reasons behind this problem. The most common is inexperience. Its a misconception that sex is best when you’re young. Quite the opposite is true as sex is a learned behavior, like motherhood. Instinct gets you to the bedroom but practice teaches you how to give and receive pleasure.

Despite our society’s constant preoccupation with sex, not much real life “how to” information is out there. Everybody is just supposed to automatically know what they’re doing. Even primitive tribal cultures knew better. Many had sexual indoctrination rituals where young people were taught how to be good lovers. This is quite different from how we handle sex today. Despite MTV, Girls Gone Wild and the Playboy channel, we are still under the influence of the Victorian age, when women were taught not to enjoy sex or even know what sex was until their wedding night!

Many women expect their boyfriends or husbands to “teach them” about sex. Though men are encouraged to pursue sex, the only sources of sexual education most men have, are porno videos and locker room bouts of braggadocio. In most cases guys have less of a clue than we do because at least women can, on occasion, have heart to heart talks about what really goes on in the bedroom.

Another reason very young women don’t enjoy sex, according to psychologists, is because they subconsciously feel they are violating parental trust. Quoting one sex therapist “Becoming fully sexual means growing up all the way”, and ” …really letting go and enjoying sex can seem like a betrayal of their role as the good daughter”. Whether a woman uses sex to rebel against her parents or whether she feels guilt because she knows her parents would be displeased at her sexual activity a woman’s sense of independence from her parents can have a great influence on her sexual inhibition.

In general sex is the place where many unresolved psychological issues manifest themselves. Understanding, confronting and overcoming these issues help improve your sexual enjoyment. Problems in the bedroom are not always just problems in the bedroom and can be a sign of larger issues. It may be time to take a vacation and look deep inside yourself or it may be time to get counseling or see a psychologist. Whatever you do, don’t feel ashamed or take it personal. And don’t always blame your partner. Sex therapist often suggest masturbation and sexual fantasy as a first step towards getting in touch with yourself sexually and learning to release inhibitions. Loving and accepting yourself under all circumstances is the most important thing you to be ready to receive the love and pleasure of your partner.

Kat Williams

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